MY STORY: Part 3 “If You Loved Me You’d Kill Me”

A word from my mom and how this impacted her life.

When my daughter told me she wanted to die, that she wished she could only have cancer
instead of this [mercury poisoning], actually begging me to kill her and end her suffering, a
numbness or a freezing entered my whole life. How do you cope with this? What was I supposed
to do here?

Try to understand the whole picture of what was going on everywhere else in our lives. My
mother had recently died; my sister was in the process of dying from the complications of type 1
diabetes and congestive heart failure. She was just in her fifties and had already surpassed her
life expectancy. Then, my father discovered he had stomach cancer.

My son, Michael, the other love of my life, is in the Marines and by this time he had been to
Bosnia, Kosovo and three times to the Middle East. As an operator in the Marine’s Special
Operations Force Reconnaissance, he led a very high risk life. The point being that I carried with
me a strong awareness as to the constant risks and dangers in his life – and the great potential
losses to my own.

I felt that my entire family was being threatened on all fronts; that I was losing everyone who
mattered the most. My daughter who was so close to me and my son who is so far away in the
middle of a war. For me this was the start of learning to live deeply with uncertainty. The only
thing I knew for sure was that if my daughter wasn’t alive, I wouldn’t want to be either.

So, I wish to emphasize that not just one person faces such a crisis alone. All of the family
members are affected and each one experiences the dynamics in their own way. Great fear and
loss becomes familiar. I often struggled to find the “gift” in this situation. It is easy for me to say:
‘eventually you must learn to accept the unacceptable’ and ‘herein lies the peace of God’.

Would you have helped her kill herself?

Well, I actually got her to promise that if it got so bad that she just couldn’t keep living anymore
to let me know first, so that we could go together. On my side this was partially a ploy to defer
the time element, to get her to hold on longer. But when I thought of the reality of her actually
dying, I realized that in truth I would rather die than live through the death of my daughter. So,
yes, if it really came to that, I would prefer to ‘go with her’ than to be left behind. But, it was not
my intention. It was always my intention to help her hang on every day.

I lived in the Orlando area and we would talk every day. I was “coach mom” for the most part,
trying to motivate, telling her to hang on, there is always an answer, always a solution, don’t give
up yet.

So how do the family and loved ones handle the stress over the long haul?

I internalized the fear, went numb and kept a lot of the pain inside and to myself. You can only
hold onto that fear for so long. Eventually you have to let go. What a tough lesson.

One of the tricks I’ve used in difficult situations is to ask of myself: ‘Well, what is the worst thing
that could happen here?’ Then I would face that mentally and know I could get through it
somehow. But this event in Connie’s life – I couldn’t really face it mentally and ever think I would
be okay with it. I think I felt as desperate as she did because I was determined not to be in a world without her in it. Most parents would say that the worst possible loss you can experience is that
of losing a child. I agree. It must feel utterly hopeless.

Picture your children as they are growing up. When they come down with the flu or chicken pox,
you know you would so much rather have the disease yourself than to see them suffering with
it. In this case with Connie, I couldn’t even offer the relief of a cool wash cloth on her forehead
or comfort her to lie down while I went to cook the chicken soup. There was absolutely nothing I could do. That was awful.

Connie, what is the most important thing you learned from this experience?

Compassion, the level and depth of compassion that I have developed for people who are sick.

I can better relate now with those first AIDS victims from the 1980’s. They were abandoned and
isolated, even from their loved ones. The illness itself was so misunderstood and everyone was
so afraid of it, so fearful of exposure. In many ways it is that kind of ignorance that now exists
about mercury toxicity and its’ victims.

This heightened compassion I feel is not only for those suffering from illness. I find myself more
aware of the plight of our country’s prisoners. This also includes military prisoners of war, the
homeless and the mentally ill and anyone who suffers from the unkindness of others. It is
especially difficult for me to imagine suffering from torture, abandonment and isolation.

Somehow, I did grow enough to release much of the judgment I unknowingly held against others.
I strongly feel compassion and love and the desire to help others. It seems that we all suffer one
way or another, everyone in every culture on this whole planet. Any judgment against others
merely gets in the way of what is really important. I notice the ‘hurts’ of others more and want
to help relieve it.

It is said there is a “gift” from every difficult or unwanted experience. I may never be able to
realize any worthiness from my seven year mercury incident. There is no amount of anything that
could ever make that episode worth it to me. If I could help a million people from what I endured,
that would be pleasing. But, I would never consider it ‘worth it’. Honestly, I am not that altruistic.

How was it getting your life back after you recovered?

Most people can’t imagine being stuck home for only a week, even when you can watch TV, read
a book or talk on the phone as I could not. I spent years in bed speaking only with my mother
and some doctors. Once I was well enough to get out, I didn’t even know how to converse with
people. It was as if I forgot how to socialize. I needed rehabilitation to join into the world again.I remember asking my mom ‘How am I ever going to date again?’ It took me well over a year to be comfortable and ‘fit in’ to society again.

I think it’s much like the tobacco industry. Tobacco and Mercury: Twins of the same parent.
I personally feel that the mercury scandal taking place in our country may be as bad or worse
than the past health conspiracies in the tobacco industry. The risks from amalgam dental fillings,
vaccinations and contaminated fish have been shamefully covered up. I refer you to DAMS
(Dental Amalgam Mercury Solutions) non-profit organization (www.amalgam.org) and other
educational resources on the “Links” page of my website.

A lot of people are walking around with mild health problems such as headaches, anxiety,
insomnia, depression, digestive disorders, hormonal deficiencies. And, they go through many
years or a lifetime of coping and dealing with these health conditions that gradually become more
serious and eventually develop into infertility, Muscular Sclerosis (MS) or Lou Gehrig’s disease,
Parkinson’s Disease, Lupus, Bi-Polar, OCD, Schizophrenia or certain forms of cancer, and so on.
Symptoms may begin as minor but eventually shift into more severe health issues and I am
guessing that this is responsible for some if not many of the mental and physical illnesses that
exist now.

Those who have gradually become more mercury toxic for many years may suddenly become
severely symptomatic because they’ve finally reached their “toxin body burden level” or because
their amalgam fillings corroded, shifted slightly or cracked because they are older now…and they
begin to leak even more methyl mercury vapor – the most toxic form of mercury by 100 times!

Doctors are Not Gods

My point here is that some people continue to have thinking that if they get sick or something is
wrong, they should go to the doctor and allow the doctor to tell them just what to do.
Understandable. After all, you are paying for their professional opinion. But it is not so good to
do this blindly, accepting every suggestion or direction as if it were the gospel truth.

And too many people don’t take into consideration that not all doctors (even the most highly
credentialed) have the right information or the best information for them. Some are not helpful
at all. Many would be better served by taking their own health into their own hands and take full
responsibility for their own health choices. I did just that and that is primarily why I am still alive.

One is better served to search and research in the right way and this is discussed further in my
book. If you are pleased with your physician you are ahead of many. It is important to get several
opinions. A simple cold is one thing. When chronic conditions or continued disorders crop up, it
is important to investigate and possibly consult others in the medical community as well as your
primary care giver. And if two opinions are good, consider that three or more may be better.

I went to a lot of doctors (over 70 within 7 years). Some couldn’t help me at all and most made
me worse. Then one doctor made all the difference in my life. Because of two doctors in
particular, I am alive today (Dr. Gerard Elmore, who accurately diagnosed me and Dr. Dietrich
Klinghardt, who successfully treated me). This may be an extreme example but it is a good one.
Pay attention to the advice you are given. Think about it yourself and get those additional
opinions. If you are not getting better, go elsewhere and continue going elsewhere until the
problem is resolved.

I’d like to point out that when dealing with any crucial health issue, get seriously honest with
yourself about just how far you are willing to consciously participate in your recovery. Our American culture in particular tends to think in terms that it is our doctor’s job to make us well again. We would all like to walk into our doctor’s office, dump the problem in his lap and hope
that the drug companies have come up with an all-new green pleasure pill that will fix everything
for us. And if that cannot happen, perhaps some surgery to ‘cut out the problem parts’.

It is my belief there is no doctor that can ever heal you. All healing comes from within and what
a miracle that is. Without even thinking about it, our bodies perform all sorts of wonders to deal
with obstacles that are presented to it every day. A minor cut on your skin begins a chain of
events of startling proportion. Clotting factors are quickly produced and your white blood cells
begin fighting infection with precision and efficacy greater than the most advanced space
engineer could imagine.

Perhaps best healing takes place when we assist our bodies to go in the right direction, enabling
our bodies to heal themselves. After my recovery, I went on to become a licensed and board
certified Drugless Practitioner and Holistic Health Practitioner because I am in alignment with
that approach. It served me well. When it comes to being mercury toxic, there is no drug or
surgery that can fix you. I’ll be the first to say I wish there was! Whatever approach works best
for you, know that an open mind can be your best friend. If I were not willing to consider I may
be mercury poisoned, I would not be here today.

Damaged Goods

Well, I’m not sure even how to begin with this topic – feeling like I’m damaged goods. For quite
a while after my illness I guess there’s no other way to put it. I felt like I was damaged goods. For
quite a while I didn’t know if I would ever be healthy enough to have children. I was devastated
and emotionally traumatized.

Life After Recovery: Nothing Can Be That Bad Anymore

Afterward I found my perceptions greatly changed. Things that used to upset me or cause worry,
pretty much evaporated. What is important to you pretty much changes after experiencing any
great loss. You tend not to get so wrapped up in the little things. I definitely have a greater
appreciation for many simple things I never thought about before. Independence means a lot to
me; being able to walk with my dogs, cook a meal. And shopping… well, I always did love that!

Side Effects: HOPE

If you or someone you love has experienced any symptoms from mercury toxicity, even in milder
form, I am here now to offer you hope. I believe I may have been one of the most toxic victims
of mercury poisoning (DMPS provoked 6 hour urine collection mercury test was 140). Since I
survived and without lasting damage, I am living proof that you can, too.

Through the processes of mercury detoxification I learned (the hard way), what works and what
doesn’t and why. I found out why doctors are rarely able to identify this condition much less treat
it properly. Among those doctors who did treat my condition; much was trial and error. Some
protocols should never have been used.

In my country I believe that most people are not aware just how toxic they can become from
these sources of exposure and just how harmful mercury is. And, as my story reveals, too many
doctors don’t recognize it or treat it appropriately when they do.

My best friend, Elizabeth (who helped take care of me during my treatment), is the owner of
PowerlunchProduction.com, a video production company. Inspired by my seven year ordeal,
she produced a 90 minute HD docu-film for the purpose of informing/educating the public about
the dangers of mercury exposure and how to prevent it.

Please visit: wwww.MercuryUndercover.com

Written by Connie Fox

www.MercuryMadness.info

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